10 Essential Rules For Dating After Divorce

1. Pamper yourself. Divorce is stressful and can take a lot out of you, especially your self-esteem. Treat yourself to a weekend getaway or spa day. Remember, you are worth it! —Marla Martenson

2. Stay connected ... to your female friends for company and support, but stay clear of "male bashing." Keep the conversations positive. Putting down your ex or rehashing old hurts will only keep you in a negative and depressed state if mind. —Marla Martenson

3. Get out and try new things. Trying one new thing per month will give you confidence in yourself and you never know who you might meet. —Marla Martenson

4. Be a leader (not a hunter). A hunter is someone that follows or pursues someone else. It is a short-lived ego boost for the hunted, but ultimately not attractive (you're too easy to get). A leader, however, creates value because he/she has a full life, his time is scarce. You are perceived as being a challenge to get your time and attention, thus, making you more desirable. —Divorced Guys

5. Start now. Why? There are a three reasons. First, to practice dating, getting ready when it will really matters; second, get comfortable around romantic prospects again — it's like working out, you have to get back into "dating shape"; third, it builds your self-confidence, improving your appeal! —Divorced Guys

6. Be happy. Take time to reflect on all of the positive things you have accomplished in your life. Exude happiness and know in your heart you have the power to create the life you want. Happiness is contagious and a very attractive quality. —Divorced Guys

7. Don't be desperate. Desperation created a feeling of being needy. Communicating that you'll change or do anything for him/her it lowers your value. Remember the saying "people want what they can't have and don't want what they can have." —Divorced Guys

8. Don't use your kids. That is, don't try to create a date with someone new by jiggering a "playdate" with both of your kids at the park until you know that this person will be in your life for the longer term. It's just plain awkward for your kids, and prevents you from really being the "non-mom" or "non-dad" version of yourself, which isn't ideal, especially when you are just getting to know each other. While you want to see how your kids will interact with your someone special, make that meeting intentional and focused on making the kids comfortable. Since that is not the case when you are dating and getting to know someone, this is the case where "killing two birds with one stone" is just a bad idea. —Marni Battista

9. Don't talk about your ex ... custody schedule, or why you got a divorce on the first five dates. Do talk about what you learned from your marriage and divorce, how you grew as a person and who you are now! Especially avoid any bashing or complaining. Remember, every ex was somebody else's "jerk" or "crazy bitch" so if you avoid that conversation, you can truly see the person as who he or she is today, rather than the role they played in their past relationship. —Marni Battista

10. Give yourself permission to get your crazies out ... especially if you were in a long-term relationship for a very long time. Be honest about your post divorce relationship goals. Are you really looking for another long-term partnership? Or, are you wanting to play the field, get comfortable with your sexuality, or just practice dating? It's developmentally appropriate to sew your wild outs (safely, of course) if you skipped dating in your 20s and 30s because you were in a marriage or long-term partnership. Allowing yourself to play and have fun can build confidence so that when you are ready to date for love, you bring your authentic, powerful self to the table. —Marni Battista